Hasta luego, Panama

Saying “See you laters"

My favorite goodbyes are those super silly ones where you make a big deal out of a “goodbye” and then accidentally run into the person the next day.  That kind of situation has happened to me frequently, so I try to not make such a big thing out of “goodbyes” and instead leave with a genuinely hopeful “see you later.”  Even so, the “see you laters” I’ve had to say recently have left me hurting.

I came back from my last agribusiness charla in Bocas del Toro (which by the way, went amazingly well) with the goal of visiting every single house in El Harino one last time.  I had three weeks left.  Between bridge work days, school and church activities, rainy season downpours, and people not being home, I managed to hit most of them, and even those I missed I was able to reach with notes about my upcoming “farewell” events.

Giving my last agribusiness charla in Bocas

Huge Bocas crowd

Bocas after-party (Work hard, play hard!)

Bridge work day

Compost with the middle school

Baptisms

One of the hardest houses to say “see you later” to was my first host family.  I lived there during my first 1.5 months in El Harino and I couldn’t have asked for a more welcoming group.  I stayed there for hours with the kids crawling all over my lap, reading stories, and looking at photos.  They told me they plan to frame a couple they have with me in it.  I talked with Antonia about her recent snake bite incident (she spent five days in a hospital in Chorrera) and about her fifth baby due to arrive late June.  I talked with Ceferino about his farm’s progress (he’s had a lot of luck lately with papaya!) and about how well his fish tanks are doing.  MIDA recently promised to bring him even more fish, but he expressed skepticism that MIDA would come through.  While I hope they do for his sake, I can’t help but be annoyed that they continue to only help the two families in El Harino of the same political party as them.  I am leaving information on pending fish projects to my follow-up volunteer and considering that the political party in power here in Panama is now changing, I am curious to see how MIDA will function under new management.  Anyways, after a few more jokes about fitting 4-year-old Rebeca in my suitcase, I said “see you later” to a beautiful home.  As soon as they were out of sight, I couldn’t hold back my tears.  I wonder when the next time I make that hike will be…

Flashback photo of when I lived here in June/July 2012

Flashback photo of when I lived here in June/July 2012

After making the rounds to visit as many houses as I could, came the Despedida “Goodbye” party that El Harino threw for me.  We got to combine it with a one-day visit from Heather, El Harino’s previous Peace Corps volunteer, which helped lighten the mood.  Nevertheless, for me it was a very sweet, but also sad event.

Cute decorations and cute kids

This 8-year-old cried when reciting a poem to me so of course I broke down as well

What party would be possible without arroz con pollo?

By far, the best letter I have ever gotten.  Ever.  From an 8^th grade boy.  Rough translation (that doesn’t do the cuteness justice):

I write this letter to Lila to say goodbye from the community El Harino.  Lila, you were and are a good Peace Corps volunteer in El Harino, you participated in all activities in and different parts of the community.  I appreciate you because you held trainings that grabbed peoples’ attention like your motto “Save now and you’ll have for forever” and the training about coffee and others.  For this I congratulate you for everything that you’ve done in El Harino and I’m sad because you’re leaving the community.  I would like you to stay more months, but you can’t.  Ciao Ciao Lila, hope everything goes well.  We’ll remember you always, Ciao.  In this letter Elian Valdes, student of Wuendoli Martinez at the El Harino School, says goodbye and so does my family.  Ciao Ciao Lila.  I hope your favorite team wins the world cup (I’m going for Uruguay).  Hope everything goes well.  God bless you and your family always.

I had a few days in between my Despedida and my actual departure from El Harino.  During those days I hosted many visitors and was invited to a few more personal despedida meals at close families’ homes.  I was gifted more food (plantains, oranges, bananas) than I had time to eat and tried to give things away to other visitors.  I was told many times in different words how much I was appreciated and how I had brought new ideas and taught new skills to people in El Harino.  This was all again very sweet and sad.  Throughout the week the comic relief was provided by my shower, which decided to completely break and flood my house.  My landlord and neighbors repeatedly tried to fix it, but each fix lasted no longer than a day (or 20 minutes) before the tube busted open again.  This made packing up more challenging, but gave me an excuse to sweep the floor very clean.

Second host-family cutie

Second host-family special goodbye dinner (including fish from a fish tank and veggies from a garden).

Two cultural differences made all these “see you laters” tougher for me:

1) Everyone wanted my stuff.  After two years working to show people I am not just some white person here to give handouts, I suddenly found myself bombarded with questions like: Can I buy your cooking pot? You have a radio, right? How much for your mattress?  When someone moves homes in the US, it is not culturally appropriate for their friends and neighbors to act like such scavengers, but here, I just had to get used to it.  I sold a few bigger items to the first people who asked me and held off on the rest until the day before I left.  My “garage sale” went alright and many stayed to spend extra time with me and brought me more going-away gifts.  People said the things I gave away /sold will remind them of me.  I had to laugh when I saw a grown man snag my purple AYSO soccer jersey from 7^th grade.

Dollar store on the left, free stuff on the right

2) People here don’t usually hug.  They always say hello and goodbye with a limp handshake.  There was no way I was going to accept this with my “see you laters” so I went in for the hugs with mixed results.  Some were super awkward because people literally don’t know how to position their arms (not to mention the considerable height difference).  But some were great and even included a kiss on the cheek (or two, or three … weird?).  Even after my “won’t take no for an answer” hugs, some still felt compelled to close with their typical handshake.  To each his own.

My last few days in Panama were spent in the capital city going through Peace Corps' tedious Close-of-Service process.  This involved paperwork, interviews, medical tests, etc.  Sounds fun, right?  Luckily, several other volunteers were also COS-ing with me so we actually did have some fun and supported each other through it all.

Receiving my Peace Corps certificate of completion from Panama's Country Director

Last night dinner with 20 volunteers

Moving on

On a personal level, I have formed meaningful relationships in a foreign world and have been truly happy for two years, despite the hardships.  Leaving is painful and I predict reverse-culture shock will be … a shock.

On a professional level, I have learned that while there are no perfect solutions to international development problems, I now have a much deeper understanding of their complexities and their possibilities. I look forward to applying what I know and expanding on it at Wharton / UPenn as I pursue my MBA and focus it on social impact and sustainable development.

I am heartbroken and excited to be moving on. I would do it all again without changing a thing.  Thanks for following along and accompanying me through what has been an awesome adventure, a learning experience, a roller-coaster, a dream.  I couldn't have done it without your support.

Remember my number that I had since I was 16? That number is mine again.  Call it!  Keep in touch.  Hasta mañana.

I will miss this view from my window